give n take is the best policy

erk, mcm ape je?
give n take is the best policy? bleh ke ayat cmtu..ngeheheeh

i sometimes felt like it was a mistake..
sometimes it was the best way..
sometimes like it will never gonna happen..
but yet, it keep on coming everytime i tried to run away..
either it is fated that way, or just a test..
either way pon, still complicated
:))

if it is fated the way it shud, then i will just hold on to it and make things work..
:)
mana2 pon, u know u love me the way i do~

*entry jiwang ok, kalo xsuke jgn bc :P*
*merepek plak tu haish*

some gratitude n appreciations~

this might be either too early or too late..
but having been in a very good mood this week makes me wanna say this..
thanx to everyone who contributed in every success or gud things happend to me all these while especially these past whole term..

so many things had happened..
with me studies, life, frenship, everything..
with all my frens graduating but i'm not, made me feels so low..
losing my self-believe, sometimes losing my sanity by doing stupid n crazy things..
with all the tense in me..
always almost losing my temper, did lost it tho..huhu

with so my personal problems bugging in..
family, myself, frens, enemy, betrayal..everything..
with my thesis always bring troubles..
huhuhu
mcm2 la jd..
this term had been the worst of my whole undergrad life..
receiving bad news all the time..
:(

but through the end of it..
i received a really huge great news..
even if some ppl might say it is nothing compared to all the bad things happened..
but i wud say, this is all i ask for..
i dont demand for every bad things happened been paid by a lot of good news..
enough by this few..

all of gratitude and appreciation to my angels...
who'd been there all the time..
dd,ayg,arock,taza,az,dilla..
huhuhu..
u girls hepled a lot..
always listend to my whining an complains..
always keeping me high spirited..
always there when i cried..
really love u so damn much..
i always know that i can always count on u girls..
:((

my sisters..
kak atiq, aza, jayla..
huhuhu...
even we r not always around to talk to each other or even to comfort each other..
but u girls r the best..
always giving the comfort words..
the positive vibes to me..
n congrats to aza n jayla also for the success.. :D

to U..
thanx for always being there..
thanx for always 'sabar' with me bugging urlife..
n thanx for all the honesty..
love u so damn much also...
:(

to my dearest housemates kak dy n ling..
for all the support n the morning waking up n for always reminding me..
:D

my frens, coursemates..
thanx a bunch!
huhu
>:D< style="text-align: left;">*this post da mcm ucapan sbb dpt anugerah..padahal tade pape pon..haha.. just wanna say all the thank yous that i never had the chance to say out loud or personally.. lots of love there for all of the ppl in my life... :-*

i'm glad having these ppl in my life~

i'm so glad that i have my angels..
being there when i felt down..
when i lose my self-control..
when i feel like losing myself..

i'm so glad that i have my family..
always made me feel invited, wanted, accepted..
always made me feel great..
even they have no idea how i feel at the moment..
even they have no idea how bad i felt..
even they have no idea how miserable my life is..

i'm so glad that i have my girls..
always made me feel good..
even we did not always met..
even i did not always tell them whats going on..
they always made the moment really memorable..

i'm so glad that i have my trust ones, my close frens, my sisters, my brothers...
always there when i need a shoulder to cry..
always there when i fall..
no matter in what condition..
:((

i love u soo much!
*sigh*

erk??

My world was bright but now devoured in darkness
My life has become one hell of a mess
I dont know what to do anymore
I just want to unlock that happy, bright door
To see the world as I once did
To be happy and free like a five year old kid
All my problems that hold me back solutions that the problems lack
I'm so confused and ready to cry
Just take me away I'm ready to die
To be in a world that I create
A place that knows no depression or hate
To be in an eternal sleep
Not needing the help of the many sheep
How can I unlock that door?
To feel relieved so I don't fall on the hard, stone floor
Will time make it open or will I need a key
All I want is to be happy and free...

in dEniaL

itu saje nk ckp

saye rs sy in denial

xtau la nk explain cmne

sakit otak

membebel~

heyya..

i watched sukmum this evening..rugby final..haha
it has been more than a week already that i have a new routine.. watch rugby every evening..
haha
ni gara2 'tok wan' *oh he got new name :D* la...
n plus, my buddies also playing for 4th college..
naim,sepot,john,safuan, sape ntah lg..:D

so today was the last day for sukmum..as for rugby la kan..
12th vs 5th..
went to watch 'tok wan' maen...
too bad he lost..
but alip tibe2 dgn xbersalahnye buat muke bangga sbb 12th kalah..
huh! xmengapa la alip...
janji 'tok wan' sy lg tough dr alip.. ;P

these 2 weeks had been some very tough weeks for me..
huhuhuh
last 2 weekends - pindah umah..byk barang..byk hal nk setel.. keje byk tp xsiap..penat.. serabut...huhuhuhu
last weekends - mama kene denggi...byk hal kene setel jugak..adik cm haram xle harap.. jaga mama kt hospital since ayah keje..wuwuwuuuu :( keje xsiap gak..*sobsobsob*

beratnye dugaan semenjak 2 menjak ni..huhhu
xpela..go efie!! i know i'm strong!!!

thesis is killing me...
assignments makes me suicidal..
tests are coming..
wuwuuuu serabut~ :((

thank god my heart is ok...
nothing's been bothering me..
bgs ye kau wahai hati..
xbuat hal time2 tgh serabut ni..
ni yg tambah syg nih :D

i miss my angels...
it's been ages that we r together..
i mean all of us..huhuh
i wish we cud be like b4..
even for a day, or an hour...
i just miss having u girls around..
*sobsobsob*

n thanx to u..
for being patience listening to all my babblings..naggings..
hhuhuhuhu
i dont know who to tell lg dh...
i just miss my girls soo much..
n u jd tmpt i ngadu..
if only u cud get my girls for me rite now..
huhuhuhu
:((


with loads of works, assignments, thesis works, tests...
i always kacau u at work..huhuh
thanx for everything...wuwuwuuu



i wish u n u girls were here...
i wanna cry..
hug me plsssssssss
:(


*mode rindu*

i know~

i know this is wrong...

i know this is not right...

but i just don't care..

can i?????

Sendiri

Abg daniyal wrote this for me if i'm not mistaken..

Sendiri...
Ketika berlari mencari arah bintang
Dia mendongak melihat langit
Tiada bintang untuknya malam ini

Dia berjalan pantas ke hujung timur
Mendongak lagi, mencari bulan
Tiada juga cahaya untuknya malam ini

Dia kumpul kisah yang lalu
Dia jalinkan jadi helaian kain tebal
Dihamparkan... lelah

Kisah lalu jadi alas tidurnya
Cerita hadapan dia kurang pasti

Hidupnya jadi sendiri
dan terus berdiri
menguntum senyum
secantik bunga plastik

total eclipse of the heart

i wonder...
what will happen next..
can i take this??
or can't i??

dear God, pls let me be strong...
pls let me held my head up high...
for me to get thru this...
again~

*sigh*

wisdom

some words of wisdom from a fren..

yesterday, ym-ed with abg daniyal..
he gave me this:

Satu perkara yang menunjukkan kita dewasa ialah

Orang-orang yang biasa dengan kita suatu masa dahulu

kita rasakan mereka semua telah berubah...

i ask him, what is the meaning?
mestila sy xpaham bahasa kias2 ni kan..
he said this:

Semua perkara terus berubah

Kecuali Perubahan saja yang kekal...

i still dont get it..
n he said, i will understand someday..
hrmm...
i wonder....

it's hard

it's hard
when u're afraid to sumthing bcoz of ur past experience..
it's even harder
when it comes to the matter of heart..
and getting harder
when things are getting complicated..
n u just can't do anything to change it..
bcoz u're afraid..
afraid of sumthin u urself not sure about..
why must it be this hard???

they left~

today...
officially they've left me...
huhuhuu

last nite was the last nite i'm having my moment with them..
ckin especially...
dilla n az went home early...

but still...
today is the day...
anta ckin blk td..
cudnt wait for her to siap kemas2..
sedeyhh~

i missed them oredy...
i tried to hide my feelings for dis whole week..
created sum other reasons just to stop them from asking why am i looking so dull...
created so many excuses just to get away from those emotional feelings...
but the truth is...
saye sedeyh!!!!

thinking dat i'll be left behind here in um...
the girls have graduated...
but not me...
they've got to sort their own life..
but not me...
not just yet...
:((

they r not here with me anymore...
they've gone in their own path...
their own way...
god! how cruel life is...

giving me all those happy moments...
giving me all those precious frens...
pampering me with their kindness, loves, laughters, smiles, tears...
n taking them away from me in just a glimpse...
how cruel!
:((

but nevermind...
i'm strong...
i'll stand still...
living with those happy moments...
the moments that will made me strong...
the moments that will made me fight...
the moments that stays in me no matter what...
the precious n priceless moments...
:((

girls, i missed u oredy...
i heart u to the max....
i love u a lot lot lot...

wish i cud turn back time...
:-<

Pergi dan Jangan Kembali

kenangan
lebih baik kau pergi
pergi jauh dari sini
kerna aku tak sanggup
hidup dekat denganmu

kenangan
ku minta kau pergi
pergi terus
dan jangan kembali

kenangan
aku tak mahu
hidup denganmu

kerna aku
hidup untuk masa depan


~xoxo~

congratulation n tahniah..*eh,mcm same je*

congratulations for making me looks bad
congratulations for making me look stupid
congratulations for making my life miserable
congratulations for making me hates u.

tahniah kerana berjaya memalukan aku
tahniah kerana berjaya menjatuhkan aku
tahniah kerana berjaya membuat aku xpercaya pada diri
tahniah kerana berjaya membuat aku serik
tahniah kerana segala2nya

Only God knows how much i hate u rite now.
Only God knows how much miserable i am..
Only God knows how much i felt like running far away..

what goes around comes around..
Allah akan bls setiap perbuatan jht manusia..
all i hav to do is be patient..
all i hav to do is be strong..
if only i can be stronger..*sigh*

MANUSIA

manusia
sering lupa pada
nikmat yg allah kurniakan

manusia
sering lupa pada
jasa dan kebaikan manusia lain

manusia
tidak pernah menghargai
sesuatu yg dimiliki
sehingga ia hilang
dan tak kembali lagi
tidak kira
insan atau sebaliknya

manusia
tidak pernah menghargai
apa yang ada di hadapan mata
sehingga ia hilang
terus pergi dari penglihatan

manusia
tidak pernah menghargai
apa yang didengari setiap kali
sehingga ia pergi
tidak kedengaran lagi

manusia
sering leka
dengan belaian
leka dengan material
leka dengan kecantikan
sehingga lupa
apa yang kekal
tidak pernah pudar
walaupun tidak indah dipandangan mata
tetapi tetap kekal
hingga hujung hayat

be strong!

today, was a very long day...
had to wait with ayah for his angiogram test...

i woke up at 6.15...mandi2, siap2, headed straight to IJN..
wait there with him in his ward...dr pagi kol 7.45 tu smpai kol 2 br dpt masuk angiogram punye lab tu...huhuhu..pity him that he has to fast for 15 hours...='(

i waited outside for about 1 1/2 hour..then he keluar, blk gi ward blk...
he told me that the doctor said that he had 90% blockage in his heart...
his right side of the heart dh block sume dh...n his left side of the heart ade 3 places yg block...
the doctor suggest that the only way he has is to do the BYPASS operation..
but since his heart is too weak for the operation he cant do it...='(
but the doctor said he has to do another test..i'm not quite sure what test is it..but the test is to make sure whether his heart is strong enough for the operation or not...
meanwhile all he can do is continue with the medication...

huhhuhu...i'm not sure whether i can tke these or not...but all i know that i hav to be strong in front him, my mom, my brother...n also in front of all my other relatives...

huhuh..'ya Allah, kau kuatkanlah semangatku ya Allah...aku sgt memerlukannya saat ini..sesungguhnya tiada ape lg dapat aku beri melainkan semangat kepada dia..panjangkanlah umurnya ya Allah...aku xdpt bayangkan hidupku tanpanya...dialah penemanku,dialah penenangku, dan dialah pelindungku...='(( '

do pray for me...help me pray for him...i just felt like i'm alone right now..
angels, aniki, really need u rite now....=''((

my dad b4 the angiogram..*xde keje tgh cuak pn nk wat lawak..hehe*

>(

waiting......

hallu peeps..

huhuhu...skang tgh kt IJN..menunggu dan menunggu dan menunggu...

waiting for my father to get his turn for angiogram test..*test utk tgk blockage dlm arteri jantung*

huhuhuh..sgt lame menunggu n i'm getting more n more depressed...

pls pray for him...n pls pray for me to be strong..i just hav to be strong for whatever that may come..*since i'm the eldest so i hav to face everything bcoz my mom is not strong enough to face it ='(*.....huhuhu

~angels, really wish u girls were he by my side rite now..huhuhu
~aniki, i missed u a lot..really need u to comfort me n say to me that i hav to be strong.. ='(

pray for me folks...

worDs of wiSdom

no use of making someone 'the' priority while infact we are 'the' option that he have...

words taken from tirah...so meaningful..is this what i'm going thru? *sigh*